Hawaii Five-0 Gave Me the Willies, Pt. 1
Why did a bombastic TV theme song routinely run chills down my spine?
I don’t think I’m alone among Gen-Xer’s when I admit that certain popular culture icons generate memories and/or moods that are not entirely consistent with their original purpose.
A friend confided to me that the sight of an Oh Henry! candy bar makes him think of emergency rooms because of a sibling’s choking incident as a child. Another person told me she associates the board game Monopoly with marital discord because her parents got really serious about Family Game Night, and many adult beverages were consumed during their trips around the board.
For me, it’s the theme from the Hawaii Five-O television show, which is called, conveniently enough, The Theme From Hawaii Five-O.
I find it incredibly… creepy.
How can a bombastic overture the likes of The Theme From Hawaii Five-O induce shivers?
Brace yourself for a walk down memory lane. With drums and horns …
A Mystery
Pretty much everyone recognizes the Hawaii Five-O theme. If you didn’t hear it opening the TV show (and it’s remake), you might have heard the Sammy Davis Jr. rendition, titled You Can Count on Me (Theme from ”Hawaii Five-O”).
It has actual lyrics:
If you get in trouble
Bring it home to me
Whether I am near you
Or across the sea
I will think of something to do
I'll be on the lookout for you
And I'll find you
You can count on me
And don't you let 'em get you
Up against the wall
'Cause I'll be there to catch you
And I won't let you fall
Call me if they hit you below
Call me when there's nowhere to go
And I'll be there
You can count on me (You can count on me)
And if they all desert you
And you start to bend
You know I won't let them hurt you
And I don't pretend
Don't call if you've got nothing to say
Don't call me if you just want to play
But call me on Devil's Day
You can count on me
You can count on
You can count on
You can count on
You can count on
Count on me!
Morton Stevens, the composer of the Hawaii Five-O theme, had worked with Sammy previously, so maybe he owed him a favor or something. Or vice-versa. (He also sued the producers of the Hawaii Five-O remake.)
Deep Dive
This is one of those memories that is deeply implanted, but fairly abstract (indeed, it’s very likely from the years before I entered kindergarten, which I learned some time ago when I did some online research on broadcast dates).
The facts: Whenever I hear the Hawaii Five-O theme — that galloping cacophony of drums and horns — I am reliably and vividly reminded of a scene and specific, eerie sounds I place before that music cue. It is a memory that comes from a four year-old’s cognition, so it’s a patchwork, but remains burned into my adult consciousness because I obsessed on it from that day forward.
It’s the eerie sound of a… baby? A small child? In my memory, the camera is looking into dark corner after dark corner. I remember — incorrectly, it turns out — a tall building onscreen while the “baby sounds” occurred, and this visual signaled the moment of discovery. To the horror of the viewer, the sound had led us to some awful thing occurring in broad daylight.
And then - BOOM. Drums, horns, waves, and that slick turn toward the camera by Jack Lord.
Years ago I was able to locate a fan site that listed the episodes of all twelve seasons of Hawaii Five-O (1968 to 1980) along with a short synopsis for each. I had only to concentrate and “remember what I remembered that I remembered,” and I located the only plot synopsis — I read all of them — that seemed to be a match.
The last show of season one — episode number 25. Broadcast on March 19, 1969, entitled The Big Kahuna.
More in Part 2 …
Bozo. There was an episode where Bozo turned around and the camera zoomed in on the back of his red hair. A star scape image filled that back of his hair swooping head, they zoomed into it and TV screen filled with a star filled outer space scene.
It scared the sh** out of me. Freaked me out.
From then on anytime Bozo would turn away from the camera I thought it was going to happen again. I'd scream for my mom.
That image of a Bozo's black and star speckled head shape is burned into the back of my brain.
Eager to read part 2.. back with more, after these...